Category Archives: goals

The Other Side Of Quitting

As I said in last week’s article, any real change in our habits requires a change within ourselves. Quitting smoking, then, isn’t about smoking — it’s about ourselves.

The Trouble With Negative Goals
Your ability to visualize the completion of a goal has a powerful effect on your ability to actually succeed at that goal. The theory is that if you can picture something in your mind with great clarity, you are already more than halfway there. It’s like the difference between driving to Seattle with a map in your hand and a red line drawn on the roads you will be using versus simply hopping in the car, driving west and hoping for the best.

But what about negative goals? What about those goals where the aim is to not do something, like not wasting money, not eating too much or not smoking?

Negative goals create a unique problem, because they cannot be visualized. Negation is too abstract to visualize. We are engineered to imagine what is and what can be, not what isn’t and cannot be. We can imagine light, but what about the absence of light? When we imagine the absence of light, are we not really visualizing darkness? When we visualize a person who is not kind, don’t we really just see somebody who is mean?

How then are you to succeed in your goal to quit smoking, if it is impossible to visualize not smoking?

Visualizing Negative Goals
Because of the nature of negative goals, the necessity to change who we are becomes even more evident. In every case, our goal is not actually what we want to give up or end (the negative goal), but is actually what we want to receive or gain as the result of success (a positive goal). We don’t want to lose, we want to gain.

This is a subtle difference, but a profound one. A negative goal, in essence, is merely a reflection of the true goal. When we seek to lose weight (a negative goal), we are actually trying to increase our health or improve our appearance (positive goals). When we seek to avoid slouching in business meetings, we are actually trying to improve our professional image and poise.

The Reflection of “Not Smoking”
So, what about smoking? When we seek to quit smoking, we are actually looking to improve our health. I would not have believed it when I was going through the process, but I now know it is surely true. The easiest way to observe this is this: when you visualize healthy living, smoking (among other things) never enters the picture!

As you can imagine, the whole process becomes easier once the negative goal of quitting smoking transforms into its true goal of creating a healthy lifestyle. You then have an easily visualized picture of what “not smoking” looks like: being healthy.

The Road Ahead
In my previous article, I showed how to crack the psychological desire to smoke. That first method, believe me, is effective in and of itself. However, you will notice that it does not do anything to address the true goal of quitting smoking: the goal to develop healthy habits. Because of this, if you do not seek to develop positive habits to replace your negative one, you will find a dull anxiety gnawing at you…and it feels a lot like cravings for a cigarette!

Most people smoke as a means of combating stress. Now that your healthy lifestyle does not include smoking, what will you do? If you do not make plans to build a healthy alternative into your lifestyle, you will surely fall into an unhealthy one!

Visualizing A Positive Future
How do you set the foundation for a brighter, healthier future? The process is much like the one you used to shatter your desire to smoke. But the emotional process is the exact opposite from before, because you will feel fantastic by the end.

This time, though, you will build your own future. As you are visualizing a happier, healthier you, consider these questions:

  • In what healthy way will you now handle stress?
  • How will your loved ones benefit from your healthy lifestyle?
  • How will your energy levels change, and what activities will you now be able to do?
  • How will taking an interest in your health impact your self-esteem?
  • You’ve given up smoking…what have you gained?

By the time you are done with this exercise, you will feel like you haven’t smoked in ten years, and would never consider doing so again.

Enjoy the new you.

Writing A Novel Is Impossible, Then Easy, Then Challenging

As any of my faithful readers may have noticed, my blogging dropped off the face of the Earth toward the end of November. My apologies. I was participating in National Novel Writing Month, an endeavor I highly recommend to anybody.

NaNoWriMo
National Novel Writing Month (affectionately called NaNoWriMo) is a contest of sorts — its participants are challenged to write 50,000 word’s worth of a novel between November 1 and November 30. That’s a pace of about 5 pages a day!

The novels don’t need to be finished products, or even be good. They only need to exist at the end of the month. There are no prizes for winning. In fact, there isn’t even technically a winner.

I’ve done NaNoWriMo for three years now, and finished two of them. One of the many things I have learned in the process is that NaNoWriMo is a wonderful metaphor for any of life’s challenges. NaNoWriMo, like life, is a challenge against yourself. For when you set out to do big things, you are often your biggest obstacle.

In NaNoWriMo, as with any major task, you move through three distinct stages on your way toward your goal: Impossibility, simplicity and challenge.

An impossible challenge
At first glance, a major goal can seem almost impossible. In fact, the subtle fear that its accomplishment may not even be possible is often a good indicator that you are embarking on something significant.

This feeling of impossibility is an important measuring stick, for the value of an action is often relative. Going to the grocery store to pick up some shampoo, for instance, is not normally a significant action. But, if you have spent the past fifteen years struggling with intense agoraphobia, it may well be a life-changing experience.

Remember also that the key here is for a project to seem ALMOST impossible. That can be a fine line, but you will know when you’ve struck that balance. A balanced goal is characterized by a calm, confident sense from the heart that the project can be done, even though it may seem too big for you on the surface.

An easy challenge
Next, you become surprised by just how easy the project turns out to be. This is the most empowering part of the whole journey, and practically guarantees your eventual success. Sadly, this is the stage that quitters never get to. This is unfortunate, because it is so easy to reach.

We are all familiar with the old maxim that a journey of one thousand miles begins with a single step. In NaNoWriMo, the truth of this leaps into view. If you focused solely on the immense workload that stands ahead of you, you would never dare to begin. But a funny thing happens when you instead focus on a single day’s workload. Writing 5 pages, though challenging, is easily done. And when you’ve written those 5 easy pages, you don’t feel like you’ve done a mere day’s worth of work, but actually feel that the entire project’s success is within your grasp.

And the real fun happens when you’ve made it about 25% of the way toward your goal. Those first days of work, in addition to being surprisingly easy, also help to set the tracks for the remainder of the work. You don’t realize it at the time, but your early work actually simplifies the work that lies ahead.

In NaNoWriMo, this is clearly evident. In the beginning, you aren’t necessarily sure who your characters are, much less what they are or will be doing. But eventually, things in the novel being to take place as a natural result of the things that have transpired in its earlier pages. Soon, it becomes incredibly easy to write a novel — it practically writes itself! But you will never experience the thrill of being carried off by your goal if you do not take those first steps.

A worthy challenge
Eventually, even the thrill of the surprising ease of your work dies away. And finally, the project becomes a worthy challenge. Though the work may be relatively easy, there is still a lot of it to be done. The question is no longer one of whether or not the goal can be accomplished but whether you are committed to doing the work that needs to be done to get there. You are now locked into a battle of self-discipline.

In NaNoWriMo, there are many reasons to write a novel in such a short period of time. But not all of those reasons will lead to success. If you merely wanted to “try something new”, for instance, writing the first 20 pages might be new enough. After that point, it can be very difficult to finish. But if your interest is to train yourself in self-discipline, completing the novel becomes absolutely necessary. What self-discipline have you learned if you quit before the task is done?

The novel gets done only when you diligently sit down at the keyboard (or take pen in hand) day after day, for as long as it takes, until the job is done. That is the ultimate challenge of NaNoWriMo.

Discipline is the key discipline
In every major undertaking, there is a time when the fun disappears. There is a time when the task is no longer easy. There is a time when the reasons no longer seem reasonable. It is at those critical moments when the only thing that stands between you and your goal is the ability to put one more day’s work into it despite all of your feelings to the contrary.

Discipline is the one skill that carries you through to the accomplishment of your goal. Discipline is what gives you the courage to keep going, even when you don’t feel like it. And you know that your work is not in vain, for nothing compares to the euphoria of accomplishing a major goal.

So, what major goals do you want to accomplish? Do you have the discipline that it takes to accomplish it? The only way to know is to get started — and to keep going.

3 Things: Time Management For Scatterbrains

The Planning Trap

There are several books about time management, and millions of people have been able to use the information in those books to organize their lives and to schedule time for success.

But for some of us, organization and schedules are as clumsy as a goose wearing rollerskates. For some of us, implementing a new time management process represents not merely a change in habits or attitudes, but a change to the very essence of our being.

Getting Things Done Without Over-Organizing

What is a genetically unorganized person to do? I’ve struggled with many systems, tips and tricks over the years. Some of them actually worked beautifully for the very short time that I remembered to implement them. But I have discovered one method that works to keep me consistently on top of my to-do list and always working toward my goals. That method is the “3-Things” method.

The beauty of the 3-Things method is in its simplicity. At the beginning of the day (or week, or month), you decide what three things are the most important things you need to do. That’s it!

Start The Day Off Right By Committing To 3 Things

By taking a moment each day to review what you most want to accomplish, you can easily make time for them. Even as you are determining your three things for the, you become aware of the perfect times to do them.

Make Sure Your 3 Things Are Important

But I should offer a warning: the effectiveness of this method depends entirely on your ability to properly assess what three things are in fact the most important things you need to do. Therefore, it is vital that you are clear about what makes an action item “important”.

This is where it can be very handy to have goals that matter to you. For example, if you have three major goals that you want to accomplish, then choosing your three most important tasks for the day is simple: choose tasks that will move you closer to those goals.

So, what are the three most important things you must accomplish today?

Financial Freedom Series 5 — Money

Imagine Building A Car From Scratch

To understand the function of money, imagine what life would be like if you had to make everything from scratch. Like, for instance, a car.

It’s not impossible for a person to build his (or her) own car, but it may take the majority of his life to do so. First, he would have to study how cars work. Then, he would have to travel the world to collect the raw materials (not to mention the time to construct the vehicles needed to transport the raw materials). He then would have to refine the materials into usable components. And lastly, he would have to assemble the components.

Spending Money Often Saves Time

As you can see, building a car on your own can save you tons of money — but it would instead cost you thousands upon thousands of hours, perhaps even an entire lifetime!

In my previous article, I demonstrated that time is supremely valuable because it cannot be reclaimed. Well, here’s the dirty little secret: that’s not entirely true. We can save, store and exchange time through a convenient tool called “money”.

Your Paycheck Is Just Time Converted Into Money

If you don’t believe it, think about your primary source of income. Many of us get our income from employment. But why do we get paid for our work? It is because our employers know that there are other things we would like to do with our time. In essence, we exchange time for paychecks.

As the car example shows, spending money is like saving time. When you buy a car, you are saving yourself the thousands of hours it would take to build it yourself.

Some Spending Is More Valuable Than Others

But before you start buying everything you want under the guise that it’s saving you time, here’s the catch: not all time saved through spending money is valuable. If you do not make valuable use of the time you have saved (that is, managing your actions to build toward the completion of goals that are aligned with your values), the money is wasted. It can be valuable to pay somebody to mow your lawn if you use that time to do something that is important to your goals and values. If you pay somebody to mow your lawn while you sit on the couch and watch TV, you would have been better off mowing the lawn yourself. At least then you would have gotten some exercise!

Time Really Is Money, So Use It Wisely

And so, the old saying is true: time IS money. Or rather, money is time. Since time is so precious, it places an important duty on our shoulders to ensure we use it wisely. Money wasted is time wasted. Use your money to help you directly or indirectly accomplish those goals that help you live your values, and you will have used your money wisely.

The Complete Financial Freedom Series

  1. Cause and Effect
  2. The Value of Values
  3. Goals
  4. The Value of Time
  5. Money

Financial Freedom Series 4 — The Value of Time

Time Is An “Equal Opportunity” Commodity

Time is so commonplace that its value is often overlooked. The extraordinary thing about time is that each day is equally given to everybody (with the exception of death, of course). No matter who you are, or what happened yesterday, we get as much time as everybody else to make today better.

Time Is Valuable Because It Can’t Be Earned Back

Time is valuable in a way that nothing else is. Most things are valuable because they are rare. But time is valuable because of its most important aspect — we can’t get it back! Not only can we not get it back, but we HAVE to use it whether we wish to or not! Everything that we do is paid for in seconds and in minutes. Even doing nothing is paid in seconds and minutes! For this reason alone, we must cherish time. It is as important to our lives as the air we breathe.

The Secret Is to Control How We Spend Our Time

We may have no control over WHETHER we use our time or not, but we can control HOW we use our time. When there are many things that must be done, how can we gauge what is a good use of our time and what is not? The answer is as simple as looking at our goals and values. Anything that moves us closer to accomplishing goals that help us to live out our values is a good use of our time. Technically, anything else is not.

The Complete Financial Freedom Series

  1. Cause and Effect
  2. The Value of Values
  3. Goals
  4. The Value of Time
  5. Money

Financial Freedom Series 3 — Goals

Goals: The Next Step

Hopefully you have experienced for yourself what incredible influence you have over your destiny through the simple tools of purposeful action and value-driven living. Next, by developing meaningful goals, you will harness that power and direct it toward accomplishments you may not have previously believed yourself to be capable of!

Goals Are Like Building A House

To understand goals, look at the process of building a new home. Before any building takes place, a blueprint is created. Why? Because a team of builders can’t properly build anything if they don’t know what the outcome is supposed to be. Sadly, we are much more cavalier with the construction of our own lives — few of us have a blueprint for our own future.

There is a definite order to the way homes are built. Doors can’t be installed until walls are built. Walls can’t be built until the foundation is poured. And the foundation can’t be poured until the ground is leveled. Goal building is similar. In most cases, you cannot get from where you are to where you want to be in one simple step.

Build Your Goals, Beginning With The Future

If your goal is to donate one million dollars to charity, and you’ve never owned more than one thousand dollars’ worth of anything, then you will need to work through some intermediate steps along the way. To discover those steps, you need to backtrack from the ultimate attainment of your ideal life, using the principle of cause and effect. What would you have to do to raise that much money? Would you earn it through business or fundraising? If through fundraising, how would you meet eligible donors? Keep backtracking until you reach where you are now. You then have a series of small steps to take to get from where you are to where you want to be.

Accomplishing Big Things With Small Steps

While it may be daunting to think about going straight from where you are now to where you want to be, it looks much more believable when many small steps are put together. For instance, the first step might be to simply save $1 every week. The next step might be to save $2 every week. Then, to earn $2 more every week (saving $4 per week). While saving a million dollars can seem downright impossible, saving two dollars can seem ridiculously easy. By completing all of the small steps toward your goal, you eventually will have followed all of the steps toward your goal! Marathon runners don’t leap from the start line to the finish line, they take one step at a time.

The Complete Financial Freedom Series

  1. Cause and Effect
  2. The Value of Values
  3. Goals
  4. The Value of Time
  5. Money