Category Archives: self improvement

quitting, self improvement, smoking, visualization

The Easy Way To Quit Smoking (Without Patches or Gimmicks)

Leave a comment

Forget patches, hypnotists and insulting public service announcements. Quitting smoking could be easier than you think. It was for me…

Why Most Methods Don’t Work
First of all, let’s not kid ourselves. Quitting smoking is obviously not easy, as evidenced by the sheer number of smokers who have quit smoking, only to return to it within days, months or even years.

But the problem isn’t that the smoking habit is insurmountable. The problem is that many of the methods for quitting smoking are inadequate. Indeed, all unsuccessful methods share one thing in common: they attempt to change the smoking, and not the smoker!

A Hard Fact About The Easy Way
Albert Einstein once said, The problems that exist in the world cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them. The problem of overcoming smoking is no different. You will be a different person after quitting than you were when you were a smoker.

This is perhaps the most difficult part about quitting smoking, and is the reason behind many failed attempts. You see, smoking is not only a habit, it is an identity. When you tell people that you are a smoker, you aren’t merely describing a habit — you’re describing an image! Quitting smoking, then, denies you access to that image. And smoking is an image that, for some people, is too precious to give up.

A Mental Game
Because of this, quitting smoking is very much a mental game, far more than it is a physical one.

Not a physical problem, you might ask? What about cravings, or the agony of withdrawal? Here again, the mind reigns supreme; how can the body ache for what the mind does not crave?

Now, I’m not speaking merely about philosophy or theory. I’m talking about a technique that my own experience proves. I quit cold-turkey, and suffered no withdrawal and no cravings. In fact, I have not even had the slightest interest in smoking ever since.

Such a remarkable turnaround is possible only after the mental game has been won. Once the mental game is won, the physical need to smoke is crushed.

Winning The Mental Game
So, how is the mental game won? It is won through the use of emotive visualization, peering into a dark and hopeless future and seizing the power to change it now.

This method is based on the pleasure/pain principle made popular by Anthony Robbins. The idea is to attach the utmost pain to smoking, and to recognize the pleasure that awaits you in a smoke-free life.

By winning the mental game, withdrawal symptoms simply do not occur. Once you have associated enough pain with the smoking habit, the only time you feel sick is when you think about smoking!

Ultimate Pain
Smokers, contrary to what public service commercials seem to suggest, are not stupid. They know that smoking isn’t healthy. But smokers associate enough pleasure with smoking that, psychologically, it simply isn’t worth quitting. Employing the ultimate pain principle, however, tips those scales dramatically!

The first step is to build a powerful image in your mind of exactly how painful smoking can and will be to you. Don’t skimp on the details, and be sure to be brutally honest. Take the approach of “anything bad that can happen, will happen”.

Here’s an example of what I visualized:

I imagine that I’m looking in a mirror. This isn’t a regular mirror, though. Instead of looking at myself, I am looking at myself 30 years from now. And what I see is ghastly! I am shriveled and frail. I am sitting in a wheelchair and must carry an oxygen tank with me. I can’t speak at a normal volume, for any effort to speak brings about a wicked coughing spasm, which then makes it difficult to breathe — and my regular breathing is labored as it is! I feel an emptyness as I think of the things that I shall never do, like traveling. Not only can I not go to distant lands, but even going to the local grocery store is a herculean effort. I ache with sympathy for the being I see in the mirror, my soul yearns to offer comfort or help. Then, my future self looks at me right in the eye and asks,full of anger — full of hatred — why did you do this to me?

If you do this right, you will never smoke again! I say the process is easy, but emotionally it can actually be quite draining. You are essentially subjecting yourself to a lifetime of pain in a very short period of time. But it is certainly worth it!

As I mentioned earlier, permanently quitting smoking literally changes who you are. In my next article, I will show you how to manage the transition from being a smoker to being a non-smoker.

New Year, resolutions, self confidence, self improvement

You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby!

Leave a comment

Well, another New Year’s Day has come and gone. You’ve probably been reflecting on your life a lot lately, if only because this is the time that many other people choose to do exactly that! But where have those thoughts taken you?

A Brighter Future From A Darker Past
When people are planning a brighter future, they often find themselves looking at a dark past. Why do you want to get a new job? Isn’t it because your current job just isn’t satisfying you any more and the work is no longer worth the money they pay you? Why do you want to lose weight? Isn’t it because you’ve looked in the mirror and were disgusted by what you’ve found? Why do you want to quit smoking? Isn’t it because you’ve become shocked and humbled by your lack of self-control and have begun to notice some frightening health problems?

Since so many of our goals are predicated on a dark past, setting goals can be very discouraging. But this discouragement is unavoidable. You cannot set a path in a direction you want to go until you understand why you don’t want to be where you are.

Half The Motivation
The question is, how do you motivate yourself to move in that new direction? Certainly the need to leave those negative emotions behind you can provide a lot of energy to fuel your march toward a new you. But the nudge of a negative past only provides half of the motivation you will need to accomplish your goal.

This, I believe, lies at the heart of all failed New Year’s resolutions. How can you step into a brighter future with confidence if you have seen yourself only as a failed specimen? The answer is that it cannot be done. The negative energy of the past is not enough to create a new you. You must also discover your glorious past.

A Chance Discovery
I am frequently drawn to journaling. I don’t journal consistently, but about every six months I feel the urge to write down my assessment of who I am, what I’m doing and what I want.

One day, after writing a very negative and frustrated entry in my journal, I happened to flip back and read an entry from nearly 5 years before.

As it turned out, that was also a frustrated and desperate entry. But I was shocked to find that every single problem that I complained about in that entry had been resolved over the next 5 years!

I laughed when I read that I feared I would never be able to quit smoking, because I knew that I did eventually quit — and easily at that! I was ashamed to be a college dropout and believed that the opportunity had passed me by forever, but I returned to college only a year after I wrote that and eventually graduated. I was frustrated with my career, but I finally found exactly the kind of job I was looking for.

That journal entry was liberating!

Finding a Shining Past
By realizing how easily I had overcome things that at one time seemed insurmountable to me, I found that my confidence grew by a factor of ten! Instantly, I found the things that I had just finished complaining about in my journal’s newest entry were no longer a burden. I knew I could overcome obstacles, even if they seemed impossible to me, because I had already done it in the past.

If you are having trouble finding the motivation to succeed at your resolutions this year, do yourself a favor. Take a moment right now and search for your bright, shining past. Yes, there are things about the past that you do not like.

But force yourself also to recognize that you have already come a long way. You will find moments in your history that show you at your best, able to confidently face great challenges and overcome them with ease.

And that bright, shining past will give you the power to build the brighter future you seek.

introspection, life lessons, mentor, self improvement, subconscious

A Mentor For The Hopelessly Introverted

Leave a comment

You are only moments away from discovering the most intuitive teacher you will ever have access to…

A mentor can be a valuable resource for when you need to adjust your attitude, view your life from a different perspective or reflect on surprising new insights. Turning to a person that you respect and that has the wisdom to help you grow is a vital component to your continued success. If you are an introvert like me, however, you may have found that it’s quite difficult to find valuable mentors in your life, if only because you don’t meet many people.

Fortunately, your most effective mentor may not even be a person!

A number of years ago, I picked up an intriguing technique from Peter McWilliams’s book, “Life 101.” The only prerequisite is that you need to be comfortable with meditation. Once you have reached a state of relaxed concentration, then the fun begins!

Every student needs a school, so your first task is to visualize a place where you can go to relax and to learn. One of the best techniques is to imagine you are walking down a long hallway, and you come to a door. As you put your hand to the doorknob, you realize that you will soon open the door to your perfect place for mental relaxation and refreshment — a personal sanctuary. Then, open the door and let your mental sanctuary appear.

This is a matter of discovery rather than construction, so it shouldn’t feel forced. What you find should come as no surprise, for it is such a natural and obvious reflection of yourself. It is not an “aha” moment so much as it is an “oh…of course” moment.

Your classroom/sanctuary need not be indoors. While some people might imagine a cozy study in an old Victorian home, others might imagine an isolated spot on the beach. Some people might imagine a combination of interior and exterior locations. My perfect place is a clearing in a birch forest with a babbling brook trickling through it. There is a simple wooden bridge over the brook that leads to a modest cabin. The cabin itself is a single room, barren of all furniture and decoration. It is bright, clean, and quiet. Ah, I feel relaxed just thinking about it.

Now that you’ve found your classroom, you need a teacher. That is an easy process, for you find your teacher the same way you found your classroom. When you are ready to meet your new mentor, imagine a doorway across the room from you. If your classroom is an exterior location, you can still imagine a door a few feet in front of you…after all, we’re working in the realm of imagination. You see the doorknob turn, and are struck by the realization that your perfect mentor is about to come into the room. Then, watch the door open and allow your mentor to appear.

As with your classroom, this is a discovery instead of a creation. It will again be anti-climatic because it suits you so perfectly and obviously. But, even though you may not be surprised by your mentor, your mentor may very well be surprising. Your mentor may be somebody you know, or your mentor might not even be a person at all! It’s quite possible for an owl to fly through the door, if that’s what represents your perfect mentor.

And now, with your mentor at hand, you can begin your learning. What should you ask your mentor? He (or she, or it) is open to any question you have, but is such an amazing resource that you’ll find you don’t want to waste petty questions on him. You will find that, in a state of relaxed awareness, the right questions come easily. As always, it is best not to “sweat the small stuff.” How you work with your mentor will grow and adjust just as you will.

Your greatest challenge may be adjusting to your mentor’s style of responses. Mine rarely gives me direct answers, but instead asks thought-provoking questions that get to the heart of the matter. Or, in especially obscure moments, my mentor directs me somewhere else for answers. In response to the question how can I become more successful, my mentor replied, consider the leaves of the trees, or the water in the stream. Upon considering the water, I realized that if a river stops moving, it becomes stagnant and putrefied. I was getting lazy when a healthy, vibrant life is one of action. Considering the leaves reminded me that actions alone are insignificant. A leaf by itself withers and blows away, but it is full of life when connected to the tree. Any action is more effective when it is part of something larger. Having active goals, then, helps maximize the value of all of your actions.

Earth-shaking? Hardly. These insights are not special. Obviously, success is the result of action. Of course goals help you to achieve more. But the value of this exercise is that it reminds you of the exact things you need to be reminded of right when you need to be reminded of them.

In retrospect, my mentor has always provided the best possible responses to all of my questions. After all, great mentors don’t teach you new things. Great mentors challenge you to apply what you already know.

accomplishment, perfectionism, self improvement

A Map That’s “Good Enough”

Leave a comment

I have a map on my wall from about the 17th century (a replica, that is), and here’s what I love about it: it was a perfectly useful map in its time, even though it wasn’t 100% accurate. I like to keep that in mind when I feel my perfectionism creeping in.

Perfectionism can be a dreadful disease. Although it may not officially kill anybody, it prevents them from living. Life is action — and perfectionism, when it reaches extremes, prevents people from taking action for fear of not performing perfectly.

Perfection seems like a worthy goal, but this lofty ideal is also its downfall. Unfortunately, perfection, in any field and in all capacities, is not possible. Excellence is possible. Virtuosity is possible. But perfection? Not in this lifetime! Perfectionists fail even before they begin because they are dedicated to accomplishing a goal that cannot be done.

So, what’s a perfectionist to do? Well, there are 3 things that may help:

  1. Remember the imperfect map. Ancient maps needed only to get a sailor from one port to another without ramming into the shore. They didn’t need to be accurate by inches but by miles. After all, the sailors could look for themselves once they knew they were getting close. When you do something, remember that you are doing it for a specific purpose. As long as the purpose is fulfilled, mission accomplished. Anything beyond that is nice, but unnecessary. Make sure you aren’t letting details bog you down that, when looked at from a mission viewpoint, don’t actually impact the project.

  2. Love to improvise. Nothing goes according to plan, even with the best plans. Be prepared to make adjustments along the way. So, since you’ll be making changes along the way, why not just get started now? The world’s greatest masterpieces (some of which come very close to perfection) were not created in a single attempt. Paintings and sculptures are created by “roughing-in” the basic form and then fine-tuning it a little bit at a time. Remember, it’s the final product that matters, not the middle product or the fledgeling product. All (near) perfect projects start as absolutely imperfect projects.

  3. Let go. Perfectionism is rooted in self-consciousness and a fear of looking foolish. I know, I’ve been there. And there’s an old joke that may prove useful in this regard: you wouldn’t care what people thought of you if you realized how rarely they do. I know, it sounds harsh. But really, everybody else is too busy managing their own lives to pay much attention to yours. So you’re free to get out there and take a chance. If you mess up, not many people will notice — and of the ones that notice, not a single one will remember it a year from now. Then, you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue to adjust (remember, you love to improvise now) until you get it right.

Babblermouth is far from perfect. As I look at it, there are many things that I want to fix and so many improvements that can be made to it. Over time, they’ll get done. In the past, I might have waited until I had the perfect design before I wrote my first post (and would have, of course, waited until my first post was perfect before posting it). But I made the leap. After all, the point of blogging is to share your ideas with readers — and that’s getting done.

budgeting, financial freedom, goals, money, money management, self improvement, time management, values

Financial Freedom Series 5 — Money

Leave a comment

Imagine Building A Car From Scratch

To understand the function of money, imagine what life would be like if you had to make everything from scratch. Like, for instance, a car.

It’s not impossible for a person to build his (or her) own car, but it may take the majority of his life to do so. First, he would have to study how cars work. Then, he would have to travel the world to collect the raw materials (not to mention the time to construct the vehicles needed to transport the raw materials). He then would have to refine the materials into usable components. And lastly, he would have to assemble the components.

Spending Money Often Saves Time

As you can see, building a car on your own can save you tons of money — but it would instead cost you thousands upon thousands of hours, perhaps even an entire lifetime!

In my previous article, I demonstrated that time is supremely valuable because it cannot be reclaimed. Well, here’s the dirty little secret: that’s not entirely true. We can save, store and exchange time through a convenient tool called “money”.

Your Paycheck Is Just Time Converted Into Money

If you don’t believe it, think about your primary source of income. Many of us get our income from employment. But why do we get paid for our work? It is because our employers know that there are other things we would like to do with our time. In essence, we exchange time for paychecks.

As the car example shows, spending money is like saving time. When you buy a car, you are saving yourself the thousands of hours it would take to build it yourself.

Some Spending Is More Valuable Than Others

But before you start buying everything you want under the guise that it’s saving you time, here’s the catch: not all time saved through spending money is valuable. If you do not make valuable use of the time you have saved (that is, managing your actions to build toward the completion of goals that are aligned with your values), the money is wasted. It can be valuable to pay somebody to mow your lawn if you use that time to do something that is important to your goals and values. If you pay somebody to mow your lawn while you sit on the couch and watch TV, you would have been better off mowing the lawn yourself. At least then you would have gotten some exercise!

Time Really Is Money, So Use It Wisely

And so, the old saying is true: time IS money. Or rather, money is time. Since time is so precious, it places an important duty on our shoulders to ensure we use it wisely. Money wasted is time wasted. Use your money to help you directly or indirectly accomplish those goals that help you live your values, and you will have used your money wisely.

The Complete Financial Freedom Series

  1. Cause and Effect
  2. The Value of Values
  3. Goals
  4. The Value of Time
  5. Money
financial freedom, goals, money, self improvement, time management, values

Financial Freedom Series 4 — The Value of Time

Leave a comment

Time Is An “Equal Opportunity” Commodity

Time is so commonplace that its value is often overlooked. The extraordinary thing about time is that each day is equally given to everybody (with the exception of death, of course). No matter who you are, or what happened yesterday, we get as much time as everybody else to make today better.

Time Is Valuable Because It Can’t Be Earned Back

Time is valuable in a way that nothing else is. Most things are valuable because they are rare. But time is valuable because of its most important aspect — we can’t get it back! Not only can we not get it back, but we HAVE to use it whether we wish to or not! Everything that we do is paid for in seconds and in minutes. Even doing nothing is paid in seconds and minutes! For this reason alone, we must cherish time. It is as important to our lives as the air we breathe.

The Secret Is to Control How We Spend Our Time

We may have no control over WHETHER we use our time or not, but we can control HOW we use our time. When there are many things that must be done, how can we gauge what is a good use of our time and what is not? The answer is as simple as looking at our goals and values. Anything that moves us closer to accomplishing goals that help us to live out our values is a good use of our time. Technically, anything else is not.

The Complete Financial Freedom Series

  1. Cause and Effect
  2. The Value of Values
  3. Goals
  4. The Value of Time
  5. Money
financial freedom, goals, money, self improvement, values

Financial Freedom Series 3 — Goals

Leave a comment

Goals: The Next Step

Hopefully you have experienced for yourself what incredible influence you have over your destiny through the simple tools of purposeful action and value-driven living. Next, by developing meaningful goals, you will harness that power and direct it toward accomplishments you may not have previously believed yourself to be capable of!

Goals Are Like Building A House

To understand goals, look at the process of building a new home. Before any building takes place, a blueprint is created. Why? Because a team of builders can’t properly build anything if they don’t know what the outcome is supposed to be. Sadly, we are much more cavalier with the construction of our own lives — few of us have a blueprint for our own future.

There is a definite order to the way homes are built. Doors can’t be installed until walls are built. Walls can’t be built until the foundation is poured. And the foundation can’t be poured until the ground is leveled. Goal building is similar. In most cases, you cannot get from where you are to where you want to be in one simple step.

Build Your Goals, Beginning With The Future

If your goal is to donate one million dollars to charity, and you’ve never owned more than one thousand dollars’ worth of anything, then you will need to work through some intermediate steps along the way. To discover those steps, you need to backtrack from the ultimate attainment of your ideal life, using the principle of cause and effect. What would you have to do to raise that much money? Would you earn it through business or fundraising? If through fundraising, how would you meet eligible donors? Keep backtracking until you reach where you are now. You then have a series of small steps to take to get from where you are to where you want to be.

Accomplishing Big Things With Small Steps

While it may be daunting to think about going straight from where you are now to where you want to be, it looks much more believable when many small steps are put together. For instance, the first step might be to simply save $1 every week. The next step might be to save $2 every week. Then, to earn $2 more every week (saving $4 per week). While saving a million dollars can seem downright impossible, saving two dollars can seem ridiculously easy. By completing all of the small steps toward your goal, you eventually will have followed all of the steps toward your goal! Marathon runners don’t leap from the start line to the finish line, they take one step at a time.

The Complete Financial Freedom Series

  1. Cause and Effect
  2. The Value of Values
  3. Goals
  4. The Value of Time
  5. Money
financial freedom, money, personal fulfillment, self improvement, values

Financial Freedom Series 2 — The Value of Values

Leave a comment

The Happiness Paradox

Why is it that some rich people are happy, while others are miserable? Why is it that some poor people are happy, while others are miserable? Obviously, the answer is not in their billfolds. The answer is in how well they are living their “values”.

The list of things that you can do to make a positive difference in your life and in the world is virtually endless. So, how do you decide which things you should do? This is where values come in handy.

Values Are Your Guide

Values are those things that matter deeply to you in a way that matters only to you. Your deepest, truest values are the ones that have been with you all of your life — they are “hard-wired” into your being. That makes them your ideal, personalized guide through life. Your values help you survey the many opportunities that are available to you and to choose the ones that will bring the most fulfillment into your life.

Discovering Your Values

If you want to know what your values are, imagine you’ve won so much money that you’ll never be able to spend it all. What would you do with that kind of money? Your answers will point you toward your values. Some answers require more interpretation than others, though. Wanting to buy a fancy new sports car, for instance, doesn’t lead to any obvious values. But asking yourself WHY you want the fancy new sports car does. In discovering your values, it helps to play that favorite game among toddlers — keep asking “why” until you get to the root of your values.

Values As An Objective Standard

Knowing your values gives you an objective standard for judging your actions. When you act in a way that goes against your values, you feel terrible. When you act in a way that is consistent with your values, you feel great. With an objective measure in place, you free yourself from any need to “keep up with the Joneses” because you recognize that you don’t necessarily want what the Joneses have anyway. An understanding of values, therefore, frees you once and for all to truly be you.

If you are not completely satisfied with your life, look to your values. You will find that your actions in the past have not been aligned with your values. Thankfully, the cure is simple — begin now to act out your values.

The Complete Financial Freedom Series

  1. Cause and Effect
  2. The Value of Values
  3. Goals
  4. The Value of Time
  5. Money
cause and effect, financial freedom, habit, money, responsibility, self improvement

Cause and Effect: The Power Of Habits, For Good Or Ill

2 Comments

Cause And Effect In Daily Experience

Imagine that a mother suddenly hears a loud crash down the hall. She dashes into the room and finds a shattered lamp and a surprised child. Now, what do you think her conclusion is? Does she shrug her shoulders, resigned to the fact that lamps randomly leap off of tables? No! She instantly searches for what CAUSED the lamp to fall off the table.

The Chain Of Effects

The routine of cause and effect is so common that its full value is often overlooked. You see, the remarkable thing about causes and effects is that they are inextricably connected. Nothing happens that wasn’t caused. And everything that happens causes something else to happen (which then causes another thing to happen, and so on). In essence, every action sets off a chain of effects long into the future! There is also a high level of predictability to cause and effect — certain actions (causes) are known to lead to specific effects. If you heat water to 100 degrees Celsius, it HAS TO boil. If it doesn’t, then it’s not actually water.

Powerful, And Dangerous!

And so, this is the most important lesson of the Financial Freedom series: through the laws of cause and effect, you possess a tool that is at once extraordinarily powerful and unimaginably dangerous.

Powerful? Yes! By taking deliberate actions that lead to expected effects, you shift from merely reacting to random events to actively influencing your future. In short, you gain remarkable control over your future.

Dangerous? Yes! If everything you do causes endless chains of effects that project into the future, then how important is it for you to be mindful of your actions today? Ignoring the influence that your actions have over cause and effect is like walking into the street with a loaded gun and firing it randomly in all directions!

Harnessing The Chain of Effects

Harnessing cause and effect means to finally, unequivocally accept responsibility for your life. Implicitly, everything you have done so far has brought you where you are today. If you are dissatisfied, the cure is simple. First, examine what actions have led you to where you are and quit them immediately. Then, determine what actions will lead you to where you want to be, and commit to them. You are one action away from building either a better future for yourself or a worse one. Which will you choose?

The Complete Financial Freedom Series

  1. Cause and Effect
  2. The Value of Values
  3. Goals
  4. The Value of Time
  5. Money
accomplishment, introspection, self improvement, self worth, wisdom

Define Yourself, Liberate Yourself

1 Comment

Few people realize just how much power is contained in the two simple words, “Know Thyself”.

Life is complicated. There are many things to do, many people to meet, many things to fear and many things to be happy about. It can be overwhelming. And all people eventually reach a point where they ask the Big Question: “WHO AM I?”

The Most Important Question

So, take a moment to answer the question: Who are you?

How did you answer? You may have been tempted to define yourself by your career (salesman, electrician, manager, etc.). You might have defined yourself by your physical characteristics (tall, brown eyes, long hair, etc.). Perhaps you defined yourself by your personality (lover, giver, thinker, etc.). But in the end, it is a trick question.

The Ultimate Liberation

You see, any attempt you make to define who you are inherently limits you. In the end, the only proper response that fully captures who you are is “I am.” This is the only answer that strips away all of the self-imposed limitations that all other responses create.

This realization is peculiarly liberating. By recognizing that we are not defined by our personality, our actions or our ideas, we finally have permission to simply be. Our self-worth is no longer tied to our actions or our appearance — we derive our value simply by living. Things that are rare are the most valuable of all. And you are the only person like you that will ever live! That rarity certainly has value.